Grief is not a feeling I anticipated experiencing as we re-entered, but it has found me. Just this past week as John and I have been making some decisions on future, possible job opportunities, it occurred to me that part of my struggle with the whole thing was the fact that we are about to say goodbye to our 24 hours a day, seven days a week of being together and working alongside one another. It may come as a surprise that we would actually want to be together all the time and certainly we need our own space to be, but it has been so great and will be incredibly difficult to give up when the time comes. Really, I have probably worked through Kubler-Ross’ five stages of death and dying in the past week moving from denial (we don’t really need to get jobs, do we? and I don’t want to think about it) to anger, or frustration rather, to bargaining (maybe if…), to depression or being bummed about the reality of the situation, to acceptance. Truly in the acceptance there is not resignation or compliance but joy and vision. I anticipate the grief to linger a bit longer and be even more apparent on the day we must go our separate working ways, but there is relief in identifying it and often I feel like self-awareness is half the battle.
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28Jun
Categories: Thoughts Comments: 2
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26Jun
Categories: Photography Comments: 1
We recently had the privilege of doing a photo session with two of our favorite kids in the area. The photos were given to their father this past Sunday for Father’s Day so we have had to keep it a little hush-hush, but we were quite pleased with the results. This was our first step toward pursuing photography more seriously and we are excited for what’s ahead! Here are some of our favorite snaps…
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24Jun
Categories: Just Having Fun Comments: 1
Finally got down to the Oregon Coast this weekend to play in the sand and the water.
Here are some pictures from Oswald West State Park and Manzanita.
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19Jun
Categories: Around The World, BEARD Comments: 6
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19Jun
Categories: Around The World, BEARD Comments: 1Not sure it’s getting any better…_______________________
…but it won’t last for long.
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17Jun
Categories: Thoughts Comments: 2
By my definition, a testimony is the re-telling of a personal experience that could perhaps encourage another person, challenge them, or even affirm what they already know and believe. I debated about telling these stories on our blog as intentions can be skewed when things aren’t expressed in person. I share these stories as a way of describing one of the most significant social challenges we continually processed during our travel.
One of the most challenging components of our trip was dealing with begging and peddling. This is a question each traveler must decide how he or she will handle. In each of the third world and developing countries we visited, we were consistently confronted with the giving dilemma. Many times we felt our white skin came with the expectation of a handout or help of some sort. On various levels we debated this learned behavior. If we gave to someone, were we reinforcing this idea that white people will give something if asked? If we did give, what should we give? If we did give, how was that gift being used? What if that donation was going to the pocket of an “owner”? Aren’t we called to have compassion and give to those in need? How can we help one and walk away from the next? Why is the person begging? What is their situation? Were they really in need? What is the definition of needy or impoverished? Who actually had an honest story? Are there jobs available in this area? Is this person able-bodied and able to get a job? Is this person being discriminated against because of where they are from or a physical or mental disability? Is their situation truly desperate? It’s not often easy to assess these things quickly.
Each country was different and whatever system we had established in one place seemed to require evolution in the next. At times I determined ahead of time that I would not give anything to anyone–this was probably my general response. I just became completely overwhelmed by how many people needed help and knowing I couldn’t help them all made me sometimes feel like I shouldn’t help anyone. Thankfully my husband has an extremely compassionate heart coupled with the ability to think rationally and intentionally which brought good balance to the dilemma. He often made sure we were buying extra bananas when we were at the market and when we left, he would give them out to those who he felt were truly in need. He was realistic, knowing we couldn’t buy enough bananas to help everyone but he was continuously moved to give to those he could. He felt especially inclined toward those who were obviously handicapped as in some countries handicapped individuals are severely ostracized. Many times we passed handicapped people begging on the street and he would say, “You want to go find that guy some bananas?” And we’d be off in search of bananas.
John also set a good example for me in how he interacted with these folks. It was the norm for him, if he had the chance and the person spoke English, to spend at least a few minutes talking to them. Even if he wasn’t going to give the person anything, or buy anything, he still wanted to treat them kindly and with respect. It took me awhile to catch on to this style, but eventually I stopped deferring to him and started to learn myself. I always admired John for his way with people and ability to relate and make conversation and laugh with just about anyone.
There was a short series of events occurring during our time in Africa that particularly impacted me…
While in Cape Town we were frequently asked for meals to be purchased or to buy things on the street or beach that we did not want. I had set my mind to say no to anyone who asked, and many did. I felt justified in this because I really couldn’t tell who was giving me a line and who was being truthful. On our last evening in Cape Town we met a gentleman selling bead work. He first asked if we wanted to buy something while we were eating dinner and we declined but then we bumped into him a second time on the beach and he asked again. John struck up a conversation with him and we learned a bit about Honest. He was a teacher from Zimbabwe with a wife and several children for whom he was trying to save enough money to get across the border. We chatted with him for some time and both sensed he was being sincere in his story. We gave each other a knowing look and gave a small contribution to Honest, which he thought was for the purchase of one of his beautiful beaded fish. We did not want the beaded fish, and really the time and effort put into its creation was worth more than the small bit of South African rand we were giving him. It was interesting because we had more or less decided we would not give money to people, only food, but there was something different about this situation and this man in which we felt compelled to break our rules.
Several days later we were in Zimbabwe. On our second day there, a woman I had spent part of the morning visiting with asked me directly for my shoes. I was taken aback by her bold question and told her I would have to think about it. My first response was “no way,” but I wasn’t sure that was the right answer. I wrestled with her question the rest of the day. I didn’t want to be part of creating or contributing to a culture that assumes white people will give handouts–I didn’t want to give them to her just because she had asked. But I also didn’t want to use those reasons as an excuse not to give her the shoes. That night I lay in bed thinking about what I would do and really felt like Christ spoke to me through a very logical thought process. I realized that my reaction was no because 1) I didn’t care for her approach, which really was no different than most of the beggars we had come in contact with over the past months–she was asking out of her desperation; and 2) I had conditioned myself to say no to anyone who asked. I wasn’t taking each person on a case-by-case basis. Part of my reason for always saying no was never being sure what the persons situation was and if they were really being straight with me. But here was this woman who I knew had five children, no husband, hardly any food, carried 20 liters of water on her head daily, worked her small plot of land, and only had flip flops to wear. For crying out loud, Erin! This woman is IN NEED! Not to mention I had been thinking, prior to our trip to Zimbabwe, that I might give my shoes to someone before we left South Africa. I unintentionally purchased them a half size too big and was ready for a pair of shoes that fit. It “just so happened” that this woman’s size was exactly the size of my shoes. It was really good for me to process through all of this in my head and by the end of the internal debate I knew I wanted to give her the shoes.
The questions of whether or not to give weren’t all resolved in that one instance and many times after that day I was approached and asked to give and said “no” and felt that was the appropriate response in those specific circumstances. Being approached did not become any easier after seven months of international travel. Neither have I come up with a perfect system that fits into my desire to follow the example and calling of Christ while not being taken advantage of. I know it is something I will continue to wrestle with even as I am home and walk the streets of downtown Portland. I know we aren’t the only ones who have walked down the street and had these internal conversations and I’d be pleased to hear other perspectives. We certainly know that none of what we did helped anyone significantly which made us more aware and gave us a greater desire to contribute to individuals and organizations who are on the ground floor doing the sustainable and long term work empowering local people to improve and change their lives.
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10Jun
Categories: Just Having Fun Comments: 0
If you thought the adventure is over and we were going to come home and start blogging too much about making jam, planting a garden, and re-organizing our garage, you hopefully will be sadly mistaken. As far as we are concerned the adventure is just starting. This week we went on a hike to the summit of Kings Mountain in the Tillamook Forest with our friend Kim who is visiting from Kenya. Our friend Brendon recommended this to us a few years back and it kicked our butts as we climbed 2500ft in 2 1/2 miles.
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08Jun
Categories: Photography Comments: 0
We now have 4,162 photos on display in Flickr for your viewing enjoyment. Most recently added collections include: Chiang Rai, Chiang Mai, South Africa, Zimbabwe, Kenya, and our East Coast trip.
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08Jun
Categories: Thoughts Comments: 4
Most top tens go to ten, Spinal Tap’s amps go to eleven, but you don’t understand… ours goes to twelve.
If you want to see a Flickr slideshow click here.
SEPTEMBER Waya Lai Lai Island, Yasawa Islands, Fiji
NOVEMBER Tongariro Crossing, New Zealand
DECEMBER Catlins, New Zealand
DECEMBER Mueller Hut, Mt. Cook, New Zealand
DECEMBER Wat Phra Kaew, Bangkok, Thailand
JANUARY Phnom Penh, Cambodia
JANUARY Siem Reap, Cambodia
FEBRUARY Hoi An, Vietnam
FEBRUARY Muang Ngoi, Laos
MARCH Boulders Beach, South Africa
MARCH Village near Gwanda, Zimbabwe
APRIL Masai Mara, Kenya
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06Jun
Categories: Just Having Fun Comments: 0
One thing we missed greatly while we were away was Family Night. Family Night is a weekly get-together of our friends here in Newberg that has been taking place for over five years. There is no agenda at our Wednesday night gatherings–we just hang out, talk about what’s going on (as well as the hard stuff like religion and politics), usually laugh quite a bit, sometimes share a meal or sweet treat, and be part of each other’s lives. We have tried out other titles for the meet-up, like “Ohana”, but nothing else has stuck and really the name defines it well–a night devoted to being with a group of people who care very much for one another, give each other crap, and enjoy hanging out. Typically Wednesday isn’t the only day we see the “fam”–often there is at least one weekend event or get together. We have done all sorts of things from watching and analyzing documentaries (a group favorite) to annual summer camping weekends and New Years celebrations to a trip to Disneyland and an upcoming 4th of July in Idaho. We have loved being part of this community and they were tough to leave behind, but they have been awesome at welcoming us back in and allowing us to jump in where we left off.
This past Wednesday, Martha, who is cleaning out and packing up her apartment, brought a bag of crazy wigs to Family Night.
We got a kick out of it and each selected a wig for ourselves.
